Parenting funnies

I've been wanting to write this post forever, but haven't found the time. I finally decided it was time to write everything down after I watched Colter spit up all over the top of Ben's head and saw it dribble all the way down his face.

You learn a lot about your spouse when you become parents. One thing I didn't know about Ben until Colter's arrival was how deep of a sleeper he is. Shortly before Colter was born, Ben told me he was worried that he wouldn't wake up when Colter was crying because he can sleep through anything. I told him not to worry, that I had heard that when you become a parent, you are attuned to every little noise. Boy was I wrong.

The morning I started my strong contractions, I was back and forth to the shower trying to help the pain while Ben slept. As I was walking back to bed, Ben shouted "HELLO????" He was then silent so I said "i've been having strong contractions, I think this is the real thing." Ben was quiet for a little longer and then said "I thought someone was in the house robbing us and dragging things down the stairs." How's that for a conversation switch.

The first night home from the hospital was quite stressful. For some reason we thought he was going to sleep so well because we had all the gear- swaddle, bouncy seat, noise machine, etc. Colter had different ideas about how the night would go seeing as though he was starving and I was too afraid to feed him the "dreaded" formula (that's how the hospital made me feel). For hours I walked him around upstairs while he stared up at me. What was so crazy to me was that Ben was apparently not fazed at all by this and he was totally knocked out. Finally after frantically calling my sister and having her tell me "wake Ben up- you need some sleep," I went in and tried to tell Ben that I was putting Colter by him in the bed and to rub his stomach whenever he started grunting because that was the only way I could calm him down. Ben propped himself up in bed and started staring at him. I said "You don't have to stay awake like that." I didn't realize he wouldn't wake up if he didn't force himself awake like that. 2 seconds later, Colter starts grunting and Ben makes no move to rub his tummy, so I start doing it. Ben comes back to semi-consciousness and starts rubbing my arm. I was so frustrated and tired I was said "You're rubbing my arm!!" and he said "I'm just trying to help."

During the early weeks, Ben would typically wake up and play sudoku puzzles on his phone. One night, Colter started crying, so I asked Ben to get him for me. Ben hesitated a little bit so I asked him again. Then he goes "I just can't figure out where to place him." I was so confused and slightly frustrated, so I asked "What are you talking about?" He then hit the covers with both of his hands and said "I am not sure if I place him right here if that will be the best position." Finally he seemed to come to and got Colter. About 10 minutes later he tried to explain to me that he was dreaming that Colter was in a sudoku puzzle and that he was trying to figure out the best spot in the puzzle for him to breast feed. haha~

The most recent incident of how heavy of a sleeper Ben is happened a couple weeks ago. He agreed to take the first feeding in the night so I went into the guest room, put ear plugs in and fell asleep, while he had the monitor cranked up super high next to him. In the middle of the night, I woke up to a screaming baby and thought "oh Ben will be there any second." The screaming continued so I went into the room, got Colter and brought him into the bedroom where Ben was totally knocked. I woke him up and he was SO confused! Turns out he had already fed him earlier in the night and had totally knocked out afterwards!

So there you have it, parenting funnies!