baby #3

 I realized my period was late. I really didn't think I could be pregnant, but I went and bought a test just in case. I took it in the Albertsons bathroom and was shocked to see it turn positive right away. I rushed home to tell Ben, and he would not believe me. We spent the next couple of weeks wrapping our minds around having three kids .. new car, hopefully new house.. this was turning out to be quite a year of changes. We started telling close friends and family and it was a special time. 

The day before my ultrasound, I started cramping and bleeding and I knew that I was going to likely miscarry. My mom came with us to the appointment to take care of the kids and be there in case everything was going smoothly to see the baby on the ultrasound. Soon after starting the procedure, our doctor said something along the lines of "I see a sac, but I don't see a baby." I was crushed. We had come to love that baby so much and be so excited for its arrival in December. I was thankful that I had started bleeding the day before so I wasn't totally shocked, but I was still hoping for good news. 

I debated to share the news publicly, but really felt led to. I couldn't believe the outpouring of love and support that came from so many different people. Over the next few days, we were showered with tons of flowers, meals, special treats, cards, and offers to help watch our kids. All of the prayers, love and encouragement has been so huge. 

The emotional process during this loss has been up and down. My days are so busy and already feel so full, that I oftentimes don't find myself with time to think about it. Then there are random times like sorting old toddler clothes, or seeing a pin on pinterest I made when I was pregnant, where my heart skips a beat and a lump wells up in my throat. 

We loved this little baby with all our hearts and even though it is such an incredibly hard loss, we are thankful to get the opportunity to realize what wonderful community we have around us.