12 months

Sweet Colterman,

I have been putting off writing this letter because I simply cannot believe you are now one year old, a toddler! Wasn't it just yesterday that you came into this world? I remember waiting for the distinct howl of a newborn when you made your grand entrance, and it just never came. You literally never cried when you were born. You didn't even cry when you had your first PKU. We thought...  hmm.. could we have a totally calm baby? Boy, were we in for a surprise. Wasn't it just yesterday we drove out of the hospital parking garage and the parking attendant said, "see you in two years!" and I thought "fat chance." Wasn't it just yesterday when we couldn't figure out how to swaddle you so you were wrapped all crazy snoozing away in the vibrating chair? Wasn't it just yesterday that I sent a frantic email out to my girlfriends after a couple nights of no sleep begging for people to come and hold you so we could sleep? Wasn't it just yesterday where I had to shake the car seat with one hand while driving to keep you from screaming at the top of your lungs? Wasn't it just yesterday when we moved you from the swing to your crib at night and it felt so weird to look at a stationary object in the monitor? Wasn't it just yesterday that you gave me a first smile? 

                                

                                              

I could go on and on. But we did it. My first born. My son. We survived the first year. This year has by far been the most challenging in my whole life. Never has something that I have worked so hard at been so out of my control. I have experienced such a range of emotion this year from pure joy, to loads of sad tears. Sometimes I sit back and look at you and can't believe that we are actually raising a man who will some day tell stories about the way he was raised, and you'll be talking about us! I can picture the toddler years, I can even picture preschool. But man alive, it is hard for me to picture hugging you and kissing your cheek as I get ready to watch you wait for your bride to come down the aisle. Oh my sweet boy, I just can't wait to see the man you become. 

I would love to think all my crafty projects, playing music, going swimming, reading books will make a huge impact on you, but I know that in the end, even though those are beneficial things, they are not the moments that will shape you. It's the correction out of love when you disobey, it's the example of loving your daddy first, it's showing you how to disagree as friends with your spouse,  it's the prayers before dinner, bedtime, and basically anytime. It's the exposure to what is going on in the world, it's learning to forgive and give grace when you don't want to, it is the moment you accept Jesus into your heart, it's learning the importance of repentance, it's learning you can't put all your hope and trust in God created things, but in God alone. It's the failures and triumphs, it's the tears, shouts for joy and the big smiles, it's the moment you watch your first baby be born. Those are the things that count. So I will keep running this crazy race of parenthood and try my best, but baby, I will let you down. I will sin against you. But I will try to teach you and love you the best I can. 

We experienced a lot of firsts this year. Rolling over, first smile, first giggle, crawling, first feeding, etc. but it is so amazing to think of all the firsts we have yet to share with you.  First steps, first official word, first time riding a bike without training wheels, first tooth coming out, first time stepping into a classroom, first puddle jump, first time hearing music being played in our house, first sports game, first time behind the wheel, first date, first kiss (don't worry I wont be there), first time moving out of the house, first job, first love.... the list goes on.

I don't really know how to transition into what life is like right now, but i'll try because I know someday I'll come searching for some triggers to memories that have started to fade. These days are busy. From about 6 or 6:30 in the morning until 6:30/7 at night, you are on the move (besides your two naps). You discovered a new love this month- cars. You love to pull cars out of your bin, study them, and then throw them (hard) back into the bin. You love to put objects in cups, buckets, bowls, etc and then dump them out. You love to play the drums, listen to music and dance, watch caspar babypants videos on youtube, splash in water (especially the bathroom sink), crawl around in our shower with the water turned off, stand on the windowsill, spot birds, cats, and dogs, read books, pull books and puzzles off of shelves, play with the baby gate, crawl fast into the guest room to stand up at the computer desk to bang on the keyboard, go for walks, swing at the park, watch other kids, find treasures i've hidden in your mailbox on your play house, play peek a boo, body slam lambie in your crib, and eat berries. 

You tend to be fairly reserved unless people really work it for smiles, or it is close to bed time and we get you riled up in your crib. You are a sweet boy. You will often crawl over to me, stand up, and lean forward with a wide open mouth for a slobbery kiss. 

                         

You still don't like the car seat, you still really don't like diaper changes, you are very adamant about which books we read (you slam books right away if you aren't interested), you tend to swipe or throw tons of food on the floor right in the middle of a meal, and when we do something you don't like, you can definitely throw a lovely tantrum, complete with falling backwards on the floor crying. I still totally love you though :) 

Ok, I better wrap this one up love. Here we go, onto year two! Love you sweet boy.

Mama