3 1/2

This stage with Colter is what I like to call tough and tender. It is without question incredibly tough. He can have really hard days that leave me feeling exhausted and questioning everything I thought I knew in how to parent. I rely totally on God's strength to march through each day with my head up, despite the numerous challenges that come my way. It's so painful as a mom to feel like you're not quite doing enough to help them, or even knowing how to help them. We will have many weeks where things will go incredibly smooth and I feel like we're making great progress, and then we'll take several steps backward and sit in some pretty hard stuff for another couple of weeks. Ben and I are doing everything we can to find ways to help him navigate this tricky life that is overwhelming to him the best way that we can. I honestly never knew the consuming thoughts that would come my way once I became a parent. It takes everything in me to release him back to God, knowing ultimately, he belongs to Him and that I am just raising him for a short while. I know that God created Colter especially for our family and for me to raise.

The flipside of the hard stuff, is that when life is flowing smoothly, I am so much more grateful for those times than I think many parents probably are when their children are typically fairly compliant. Colter has an incredible memory. He can watch a show 2 or 3 times and memorize the entire theme song. He will vividly remember things that we did over a year ago. He notices the tiniest change in detail of things like a business by our house getting a new window painting, or 2 small lights being added to the ceiling at church. He's an observer. He devours books and thirsts to know how and why.

He has a great ability to imagine and play when he is in the mood. He can think up all kinds of stories during play time and has great voices. Some of his favorite stories are construction/ "work" stories, and trash stories. He usually has a pretty gruff voice and will say things like "All right boys, get to work!" or "Come on over here kids, and i'll show you my friend Whitey at the transfer station." He loves to dig outside with his diggers, play with his fire trucks, get into dad's tool box and use tools all over the house, play garbage pick up, read books, play trains, build with legos, listen and play music, and explore outside. He still has different names for each pair of pants.. worker pants, train pants, etc.

He is a true adventurer. He never wants to come home and asks every day where we are going on an outing. This works great because I can very rarely stay home for an entire day. He always wants to take different ways home and loves to check out the happenings around town. Right now, he always asks me to "go the way I like" which means go out of the way to go home, driving by a construction site, and stopping at the blackberries which are sadly coming to an end. He loves to explore in the woods and could spend hours picking up sticks, drumming, building things, and throwing rocks. He also loves the beach. He loves a good sand toy, digging tunnel after tunnel only to smash them, running in and out of the water, and train scouting. He usually enjoys parks, but mainly uses them to act out stories like climbing on board a train or driving a ferry boat or train if it has a wheel.

                                        

                                                

                                                 

                                    

He's not a great eater, although he will NEVER turn down carbs, sweets, or berries. Imagine that. He's totally potty trained during the day and at night, which is simply incredible.. he did SO well. He still takes about an hour to wind down at night, but he also takes 2-3 hour naps every day still.


                                                
He's a boy of predictability, structure, and familiarity. He's still very attached to me and gets worried when I leave him. He does really well at church because he knows there is always a digger toy there he can play with. He asks every day when it will be mommy Colter special time. He would prefer Maddie to not be around, although he is starting to warm up to her more and more.


                                                       

                                         
He looks up to James and Saisha, and enjoys being around them. I've noticed a lot of progress when it comes to kids in general. He recently asked a kid what his name was when we were at a playground and that was HUGE. He mainly wants kids to do what he wants to do, and tends to get disinterested in them if they have different ideas, but I'm still thankful for the growth I do see in the social area. He adores his little twin cousins, and always wants to rub their hair or give them a toy which is also huge. He's been recently asking me if I have a baby in my belly and telling me that we need another sister because Maddie is getting big. Not so sure about that!

                                               

                                                   

My heart bursts with love for this guy. I'm not always appreciative of the growth that comes through pain and heartache, but life without this boy of mine seems entirely impossible to imagine. He is a part of me and has grown me in ways I never thought possible. So thank you my sweet boy. I love you.