last times

I was nursing Madison before bed tonight and watching her slip into sweet slumber. She does the cutest thing as she's falling asleep. Her eyes start to go back and forth as her lids get really heavy, almost like she's trying to fight the sleep that is overtaking her... kind of like me when watching a movie after 8 o'clock. Finally she gives in, her head falls against my skin like a dead weight, and her body feels absolutely perfect in my arms. I stared down at her face and drank her her sweetness. Part of me wanted to quickly put her down so I could tackle the 18 loads of laundry taking over the hallway, or clean up downstairs, or eat another thin mint. Then I realized. There is going to be a last time that this happens. It made me start to think that there is a last time for everything. I've already experienced some lasts with Colter. Nursing, ergoing after a short nap, etc. These things happen so quickly, that I almost never even realize that they're going to be done until it's over. I do remember rocking Colter back to sleep after a short nap soon before Madison was born and thinking that this was probably the last time that it was going to happen. I so wanted to put him down because my big belly was in the way and it was super uncomfortable  but I knew that this moment might never come again. Some last times are going to be great.. oh how I can't wait to change my last diaper! A last tantrum? yes please! But then there are the last times that are hard to even imagine. There will be a last time that Colter puts together a train track. There will be a last time that my kids fall asleep on me before bed. There will be a last time where my kids will want me to hold them in the rocking chair singing songs. There will be a last bath, a last tball game, a last trip to the kids museum. Oh how I hope to savor these moments instead of rushing towards the next day. So much of motherhood in the early years feels like a survival game. Just one more hour until dad gets home. I pray that God reminds me to linger just a little longer. Rescue the duck from the bookshelf with the firetruck one more time. Rock just a little bit longer. Throw nordy doll into the air to make Colter crack up one extra time. Watch one more crossing video and talk about the caboose. Tickle your face with Madison's soft, sticking up hair. Find more bugs in the yard. Get one more big gummy grin from your daughter. Read an extra book at bed time. Because you never know when that last time will sneak in.