sweet girl

To my sweet Madison,

I can't believe it is almost time to meet you. I remember when I was pregnant with Colter that I had a hard time imagining that he was actually going to come out of my belly. It's weird to think that the bum and legs that are moving around and poking out of my side in awkward angles, are going to be snuggled up on my chest in just a couple of weeks. Madison, I am so excited to meet you. The first part of my pregnancy went really slow, but the last couple of months have seemed to zip by in a millisecond. We've been going through lots of different things in our house- mega tantrums from your brother, and lots of sickness. I've struggled with wanting to keep you baking long enough to "get things under control," but I've come to realize that any time you come will be just perfect. God has planned your birth date perfectly, and I have to rest in His plans, rather than my own.

 I can't wait for milk drunk coma snuggles, I can't wait for Colter to meet you, I can't wait for your daddy to hold you for the first time. I can't wait to see if you have crazy hair, or no hair at all. I can't wait to kiss your sweet head and breathe in that unmistakable newborn smell. I can't wait to rock you in the quiet of the night.

I can't tell you how thrilled I am to have a baby girl. Packing for the hospital this time around has been quite the different experience! Of course I have to make sure to have several different headbands to match each outfit (I packed three). I also packed the necessary pink glittery tutu in case we are in the hospital over valentines day. I just can't wait to hold you. When I think about going into labor, I get all jittery inside because I know how it feels to push out a baby and then have them plopped right on you all wide eyed. I can't wait to see what you look like.

There is so much I anticipate about having you as my daughter. Your sweet, slobbery kisses, seeing you take your first steps, watching your mind imagine and create, many many tea parties and hours of dress up. I think of all the joys you will face ahead- learning to ride your bike, making new friends, and hopefully finding a man for you to love and who will love you back with fierce devotion with a love that only God can grow. I also know that life will not be all about happiness. You will know sadness, hurt, and pain. As much as I want to shield and protect you from it all, God reminds me you are His and that He loves you more than I ever will.

I also need to tell you that being given the opportunity to raise a daughter comes with a huge sense of responsibility to your daddy and I. You are going to be raised in a generation that is really tough for girls. There is so much influence and pressure from every angle telling young girls how to think, act, and look. We have been praying for you throughout my entire pregnancy that you will feel encouraged, cultivated, protected, adored, cherished, and nurtured in our family. We pray that you will come to know and love Jesus from an early age, and in turn, mature into a woman who loves her husband and kids, and can give the same to her family.

There's so much I want for you, but above all else I want you to be fully His. To be the woman He designed you to be. I know that God allows suffering so we can know His sufficiency. He exposes our weaknesses for us to depend on His strength. I learn this lesson as a mama and wife every single day.  My deepest desire is that you will set your heart, mind and might to seek Him, please Him, and love Him.  I pray that God will mold your heart to be gentle, merciful, strong, and to show real love to others.  I pray that you are not bashful in your opinions and willing to stand up for yourself and those around you. I've always struggled with fearing authority figures and avoiding confrontation and I pray that you are able to fight the fear and anxiety and confront difficult things head on. I pray that you have quality girlfriends who encourage you, lift you up, and help you seek the truth. You're bound to be hurt by friends, like I was, but I pray that you are able to see your worth apart from those that hurt you or say mean things. I pray that you have a strong relationship with your daddy and that his love is enough to fill the tank of your heart until the right man comes along.

And so my sweet Madison, I entrust you to His care. I will do my part to teach you, train you, and love you, but I know He is your rock and redeemer. He knows about your entire life since he designed you, created you, and gifted you to us to raise for a short time.

So now, with your little leg sticking up high into my rib cage, what I really want most for you sweet girl is for you to be His.

I can't wait to meet you.

Love, mama