dear 50 year old self

There are a lot of times during this whole motherhood journey that I think of things and hope to remember them later in life when I'm not parenting kids under my own roof any more (hopefully!). I'm going to call this series "dear 50 year old self." Things I probably wont remember about life now that I hope to remember then.

You and Ben check on Colter before bed most nights. There's nothing easier to get rid of memories of a challenging day than watching him in the dark, his quiet breathing filling the room. He typically lays on his back, arms and legs sprawled out, with his blanket and "friends" all around him. Sometimes he has really awkward sleeping positions, like his head bent around one side of the crib while his body is on another side. Sometimes he starts to stir and you and Ben either dive bomb to the floor or run out of the room at lightning speed.

Even though Colter's not a baby any more, he is the perfect snuggler. You can be frustrated one minute and then that little head snuggles up against your chin and he tucks in his little legs and turns into a melty ball of yuminess. If you wonder now, you take every chance you get to rub your face in his hair, breathing in his scent.

There are days when you think "I don't want to be a mom today." You usually pray to God to give you the strength to get through just one day and the patience to love Colter in a way that only is possible through Him. It is amazing how that always helps.

Give your husband a hug. He kept you sane during this time and helped out way more than you probably remember at this point. You honestly couldn't do it without him.

You sing all the time. Colter must think he's in a walking musical because you'll bust out in song at all times of day.

Grocery shopping is one of the most challenging things to do with kids. If you see a mom lose her patience or seem frazzled.. this was once you. Things that seem super simple to you now, like returning your cart are an added challenge with kids. Take her cart, better yet- load her groceries.. Even better? pay for them, load them, AND take her cart. Give her a smile and tell her she's doing a great job.

I hope that you still know young moms and can bless them. 2 hours ALONE... amazing! Offer to watch her kids, pay for a pedicure, and wipe down the fridge fingerprints while you're watching her kids. Encourage date nights .. support marriages.. these are hard years.

One of the most challenging parts of motherhood is avoiding comparing your parenting style, your kids, and your talents with those of other moms. It's easy to feel inadequate in this online world of facebook and pinterest. Know that if anything, you were there. You really tried to provide a joyful home and you spent a lot of time on the floor playing and looking them in the eye with a smile.

I hope you remember what it felt like to give butterfly kisses, or go nose to nose with your kids. What warmth it brought to your heart when you got an open mouth kiss on your check.

Even though life moves at lightning speed, you still notice how quick Colter is growing up... especially when he gets a haircut. You are constantly amazed and at how much he picks up and learns on a daily basis and most of the time you're really thankful to be at home with him every day.

Know you really tried to savor the time with Colter and enjoy even the days mixed with ups and downs.