To Colter

My sweet Colter,

I have wanted to write you a letter for a while now. Sure, there is a section in your little baby book for a letter from mom and dad, but I also want to document my thoughts to you before you arrive and totally change our world.

It doesn’t seem that long ago when I took many pregnancy tests just to make sure that I was really seeing 2 pink lines. I couldn’t believe we had gotten pregnant so quickly. The desire in my heart to be a mom was so strong, I just couldn’t believe that you were really going to be a part of our lives! I knew almost instantly that you were a little boy. I don’t know why, but I could just feel it. Sure enough, that was confirmed when we bit into the cupcake to reveal the blue frosting inside.

I’ll never forget seeing you on the first ultrasound. Sure, you looked just like a gummy bear, but I started sobbing at the sight of such an incredible miracle. The next ultrasound was even more incredible, watching you yawn, hide your feet from the ultrasound tech, and put your hands in front of your face. Over these past 9 months I have come to know you and can’t wait to meet you outside of my belly. I hope I never forget the laughter and tears you have brought to your daddy and I as you poke out your butt and foot at the same time, leaving my belly in a really awkward shape. You have responded to my singing and music from an early age, and you always get a little riled up when your daddy gets close to talk to you. Feeling you move has to be one of the most incredible things about being pregnant and I could just sit and feel you all day, which is what Daddy and I do almost every night. We sit and watch you move and shake my belly before bed.

I spend a lot of time wondering about the baby, toddler, little boy, and man you will be. Will you love music? Will you love to sail like your daddy? Will you be outgoing or shy? I just can’t wait to meet the man that God has molded and known so well before you were even a thought in our minds.

I can't deny that I'm nervous, a little scared even. Unsure about how our lives will adjust and what rhythm our family will take. I have struggled with fear and anxiety about whether we are ready to take on a challenge as big as parenthood. But I rest at ease knowing you will fit perfectly into our sweet family. I don't deserve you, but here you are, a miraculous gift from God. I can’t wait for you to meet your cousins and other little buddies that are ready to play with you. We are so blessed by the community of people around us. We are so thankful to have these people who will lift us up as we walk into this journey of parenthood.

I must also mention what a blessing your Daddy is as well. Other than feeling life inside me, by far the best thing about being pregnant is sharing the experience with him. He's such a support, and he already loves you more than words. Almost every morning he asks “how’s the little man doin?” He kisses you goodbye every morning and usually talks to you before going to bed. He takes such good care of me, (if you only knew the number of projects he’s done in the past few months) -I'd never be able to do this without him. Watch him carefully, and he will show you what it means to be a man of God who loves his family fiercely.

It honestly feels like you were meant to be a part of our family all along. Can’t wait to hold you in just a few weeks sweet boy.

Love,

Your mom